Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Gods/Goddesses - Round 2 (The Sweet Sixteen)

It's my birthday. That's my excuse for this update being so late. See, my life is filled with beautiful women and when one of these beautiful women shows up at my door and says, "Let's go hang out," what am I supposed to do? I tell you what I do, I head down to The Hummingbird and drink beer and Jager shots even when I know better. The beautiful woman I'm talking about is my friend Jessie. Jessie and I became close over the past couple of years under some pretty though circumstances. It's the friends that you go through moments like that with that you always hold a very special spot for deep inside. So when I'm sitting on Amanda's balcony helping her put together wedding invitations and Jessie rolls by in what looked to me like a fire engine, honking the horn and waving, I knew I was in for a great night. Here's the honest to god truth. Amanda and I can't keep up with Jessie. Now that's really saying something cuz Amanda and I have done some crazy shit over the years. So for Jessie to be wilder than us? ... Look out. So, after several beers, lots of laughing, singing songs from Rent, and a wonderful dinner prepared by Amanda's fiance, Aaron, Jessie and I decided to head into the heart of downtown to partake in the libations of one of the few watering holes left in downtown Macon. That's when the madness started. We got to drinking and tossing bean bags. Then the shots and us singing. We had enough sense to not stay til they put us out but the damage was done. Jessie and I started the walked home and we were so drunk we ended up laying on the steps of St. Joseph's Catholic church. Then she started to beat on me outside of the Sidney Lanier house. We finally make it back to Aaron and Amanda's and it took us no time at all to pass out. When she woke up this morning, she looked at me with a confused face and asked, "Did we walk home last night?" What a wonderful start to my birthday. My birthday is always a celebration of me (why be modest?). And biggest and bestest part of me is all of my wonderful friends. They keep my punk ass from dying and support all of my crazy ideas. They feed me and clothe me and keep me laughing and smiling. So, here's to Amanda and Aaron, Jessie, Kelly, Billy Dale Raye Hamlin, Jr, Chris Busby, Jen Evans, Kim Bracket, Corey, Josh, Angel and Mike Collins, Carol, Dirt Dog, Jacki, Cameron, Kevin (who I don't see near enough) and his wife Tawanna (who's having a baby so I don't have to), Stick and Leslie, Lesley "11th Hour" Wright, Brad and Megan "The 11 Hour" Evans, Chris Horne, and the entire downtown Macon crew, musicians, artists, alcoholics and story tellers. (I'd be naming people for weeks if I didn't cut myself off.) You all know who you are and you know I love you all. This is dedicated to all my friends who make each year of my life wonderful. You all are the gods and goddesses of my life.

Now let's get on to this fantastic Round 2!

Isis vs The Flying Spaghetti Monser - Well Flying Spaghetti Monster, you pulled off a massive first round upset. It seems The Force is strong with this one. But you're up against the Goddess of Goddesses. Isis ain't no joke. Can you handle all that fine ass Egyptianess? I doubt it. My vote goes to Isis.
Kali vs Athena - Wow. Kali knocked out the ultra violent KoKou only to move on to face the goddess of war. There is more Kali talk than a little bit floating around Coffee Cake so I'd be a plum fool not to vote for her. Kali it is.
Money vs Mother Earth - Let me say right now that I was more than embarrassed by Money trouncing Allah like that in the first round. I apologize to Muslims everywhere. How can it be that there are that many money hungry bastards reading Coffee Cake? What, does everybody here idolize Gordon Gecko in Wall Street? If Money beats Mother Earth I will shut this website down.
Thor vs Apollo - The god of thunder versus the god of music. Thor carries a fuckin' hammer. That's still one of the coolest things I've ever heard. I wish I could walk around with a hammer all the time without looking like a lunatic. Thor gets my vote.
Jesus vs Shiva - Most people think Jesus looks like this. I happen to think Jesus probably looked a lot like Bob Marley. I wish more people thought of Jesus like this. Anyway, I just can't see Shiva taking down Jesus. My vote goes with Jesus. He loves the little children.
Zeus vs Coyote - I know that Zeus is one of the favorites to take it all but Coyote is a tricky bastard. I'm looking to see Coyote do some playful magic on Zeus and come out howling and on top in this match.
Buddha vs Ra - Tough one here. My aunt gave me a statue of a meditating Buddha when I was 2 years old and I was always fascinated by him. I would sit in front of that statue for hours just staring at him.. I miss Aunt Emma. Now that I'm grown I would love to talk life theories with her. So my vote goes to Buddha in memory of Aunt Emma.
Venus vs Poseidon - Like I'd really pick a grumpy old man over the smoking hot Goddess of Love. Venus. No doubt.

Thanks again for being patient.
Happy birthday to me.

P.S. Happy Birthday to Alison, Heidi, Barrett, and Elisha (Birthday buddies are the best buddies) CANCERS ROCK!!


    Let's see some of that hype-ass trickster medicine, you old dog, you!
    I'll burn some sage and buy you a carton of smokes and a fifth of Jack if you can pull this one off Old Man!
    also, happy birthday roger.

  2. Oh yeah...how'd your show in the park go? Sorry I couldn't make it. I went to see The Producers.

  3. It short but sweet, thanks for asking. I played for maybe 30 mins and then everybody ran away.
    Hopefully I'll start doing more stuff like that around town in the future.

  4. I hope so. Can't wait to come listen.

  5. Wow. So far this is not at all going like I expected it to.

  6. Ideal Elite Eight matchup:

    Isis v. Kali - Who wouldn't like to see the ultimate mother figure going up against the ultimate destructor (though my husband says that's me)? Two sides of the same coin, I'm really interested to see who would win, though in the Kali v. Athena matchup this round, I went Athena and it looks like she might win, which would make this part of the next round not as interesting.

    Mother Earth v. Thor - I have a great deal of respect for Mother Earth, though not enough to keep me from wanting Thor to beat her ass! Just sayin'. I'm a Thor fan.

    Jesus v. Zeus - While I think the best finals would have been Yahweh v. Jesus, Yahweh went down in the first round to the Spaghetti Monster. Really, I think it's because most people didn't know that Yahweh is actually the one true GOD (and he's kinda vindictive all you Spaghetti Monster voters) and though I can see how most people like SM's lack of controversey, I think they were a bit shortsighted when it came to the final goal of this week's category. Rapture. Anyhoo, that guy's out which is why I think the Jesus v. Zeus is the next best thing, though I want you to remember that Jesus is love and he may be the first vampire and Zeus likes impregnating young girls disguised as rain and creating Europe. Just sayin'.

    Ra v. Poseidon - This, my friends, will be the least interesting matchup, no matter who wins. Ra is the sun god, Poseidon is the god of the sea, Buddha has a big belly and Venus is the goddess of love. Blah, blah, blah... BORING. I mean, if it were actually to go down, would this be a fight we ran to? I mean, what would they do? Buddha wouldn't even fight, so that's right out. I mean, this would be on the level of getting to the FINISH HIM! round of Mortal Kombat, forgetting the button combo and just giving a lame uppercut. If anyone from this round makes it past 8, I will be very surprised.

  7. That was the most confusing thing I've ever read from you. You either live in the future or you are voting on some other website doing something similar to this one. But I have to say that whole description of Jesus vs Zeus was the funniest thing I have ever read on this site.

    LMAO@ "I think they were a bit shortsighted when it came to the final goal of this week's category. Rapture."

  8. Wow, I didn't think the Flying Spaghetti Monster would get up on Isis so quickly! That first matchup might be interesting in an altogether different way now.

  9. Roger, I'm just trying to get people to see why the showdowns I've suggested should influence their voting today! I learned my lesson from grilled cheese.

  10. If Mother Earth had lost to Money it was going to be far worse than the Grilled Cheese fiasco.

  11. I see the Flying Spaghetti Monster followers are out in force today. Look at FSM making a come back.

  12. oh god. I have lost all faith in humanity.

    both Kali AND Poseidon lose?? literally my two favorite gods are gone in one fell swoop.

    together with them, I will plot your doom.

  13. My doom? What with all the hate?