Cartoons - Round 1

The much hyped, much anticipated Cartoon tournament is here. Before we get started let me just mention some cartoons who didn't make it. Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Futurama, G-Force (Battle of the Planets: That's G-Force in the bracket), Speed Racer, Johnny Quest, Thundar The Barbarian, Samurai Champloo, Ranma 1/2, Gundam Wing. There are plenty others but those are my faves that didn't make the tournament. There's always next Extravaganza.

We've got a little competition going on between the readers. Jonathan, Will, Catherine, Ben, and Michael are all competing for a Coffee Cake Extravaganza "Home Cooked Dishes" T-Shirt. You can follow their progress in the side bar.

Now let's look at the matches.

I don't see any of the #1s getting upset. While I loved Aesop's Fables of the Green Forest, it doesn't have the umph to knock off The Flintstones. Fuck Rainbow Brite. The Gummi Bears couldn't even spell their name right and Captain Planet... I hated that show. You don't understand. I HATED that show. I remember getting mad when it would come on. I thought that it was a waste of airtime and that it was jeopardizing the state of cartoons in America it was so bad. I thought that people who put shows on tv would look at that and say if this is the best cartoon we have to offer maybe we just shouldn't show any. So Captain Planet, you get a #16 with your sorry ass story lines and "with our powers combined" fuck you. How bout that?

Moving on.

Rugrats vs Dora the Explorer: Let me tell you something about me and Nickelodeon. A lot of shows that became popular I was just too old to give a shit about. Rugrats was one of them. Rugrats were everywhere and I tried to watch it and just couldn't get into it. Didn't even understand what was going on. My vote goes with Dora the Explorer strictly cuz she said, "Swiper no swiping." And I like Boots. (You really need to click that Swiper No Swiping link.)

South Park vs Beavis and Butthead: Would South Park have existed if Beavis and Butthead had not offended everybody first? I don't know. But I do remember a conversation between Beavis and Butthead while they were watching a Janet Jackson video and they were talking about how hot she was (cuz she sure used to be. I'd pass on her now. But when I was little and watching Good Times and when I hit my 20s during the Janet. album era, Wooo Good Golly Ms Molly). Anyway. Beavis climbs up on the back of the couch and starts humping it and he says he would "Rat a tat tat on that ass." Those were my boys from that day on. But South Park had Issac Hayes. How cool was that? And remember Terrence and Phillip in the movie where they imitate Mase and Puffy? But see...That was in the movie, not the tv show so it doesn't count. I'm going with Beavis and Butthead.

Popeye vs The Pink Panther: I am voting for The Pink Panther. He had a theme song done by Henry Mancini. Now let me talk about Popeye for a bit. I liked Popeye as a kid cuz I liked to see him beat up Bluto (or Brutus) but I remember always losing interest in the show because why were they fighing over that skinny ugly woman? That was all there was to Popeye if you think about it. A love triangle full of testosterone and knobby knees and elbows...and a can of spinach. Weirdest orgy every. But the Pink Panther also had shorts from Inspector Clouseau and a Jewish Aardvark. Loved that Aardvark and listen to that music!

Transformers vs Sailor Moon: Fuck Sailor Moon.

Fat Albert vs Darkwing Duck: Come on. Do I even have to say? While I liked Darkwing Duck I can not quote one thing from that cartoon. Angel "This Girl" Collins can but she's a nerd so it doesn't really count. I'm cool so I only quote cool things like, "Hey Hey Hey" and "You're like school on a Saturday...no class". This is the song that I always remembered from Fat Albert (other than that bad ass theme song). Listen to that hook. Soap and water. A tooth brush and a comb. You should learn to use it. Or you'll stand alone. It made me laugh then and it still makes me laugh.

Batman vs Dragonball: Really tough decision. I love Dragonball in all its incarnations but I remember how jaw dropping Batman was when it first hit the airwaves. And when I found out that Mark Hamill was the voice of The Joker I was sold. It was the coolest cartoon on TV at that time.

Cowboy Bebop vs Woody Woodpecker: I loved Woody Woodpecker as a kid. That laugh did it for me. There was also a short that would come on that I think I liked more that Woody's. It was Chilly Willy. Remember him? He was a penguin who was always cold. He was so cute and funny. But Cowboy Bebop blew me away. I was up late in the middle of the night every night watching Cartoon Network trying not to miss it. Cowboy Bebop gets my vote

Ducktales vs The Snorks: I really liked the Snorks. My favorite color is green and that one weird green snork had hair like George Jefferson and he was mute (or at least I thought he was cuz all he made was weird honks and beeps and whistles. He never talked. He was my favorite. I gotta go with The Snorks here.

The Peanuts vs Dungeons and Dragons: I love The Peanuts Gang. All the holiday specials. The strips. I love them. Dungeons and Dragons was one of my favorite cartoons though. I wish I had gotten on a ride and gotten sucked in another dimension where I was a wizard or something. But none of the characters knew how to work their powers so they were always messing up the situation for the team. And there was the one guy who was the know it all who made me want to beat him up. But alas...that's not going to beat The Great Pumpkin or that Christmas tree. The Peanuts get the vote.

X-Men vs Pinky and the Brain: I was in college when X-Men was on the air and I'm not kidding at 4pm in the student center building you could not find a seat near the TV. X-Men was just that serious. X-Men gets my vote.

Animaniacs vs Danger Mouse: I thought I was going to vote for Pinky and the Brain by voting for The Animaniacs but I am voting for Danger Mouse. That is one funny cartoon. Colonel K is my favorite character.

G.I. Joe vs David the Gnome: What the hell is David the Gnome? I only put this in the tournament cuz a few people mentioned it as their favorite. I've never seen it. ... YO JOE!!

Well, that's all for now. See you all in round 2.

Rog