Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Cereal - Round 1

I'm a day late this week with the tournament. Please forgive me. I had another run in with the Irish cop that pulled me over for walking before. This time it was a far worse confrontation. It was late on a Sunday night and I was walking home from Dan Zook's house after picking up the Home Cooked Dishes t-shirt (more news on that later). He had gotten me good and drunk and I was stumbling home. I stopped about 6 houses down from Dan's to pull myself together and a cop car rolls up. The cop jumps out the car and after asking me what I am doing out this time of night and "You're always JUST going home." Like me going home at night is a ridiculous notion. Then he pretty much told me that I had no right to be out on the street at that time of night. So he searched me and lost his shit when he found 10 blue t-shirts with tournament brackets! "What are you doing with so many shirts?" What the hell do you think I am doing with the shirts? You think I just robbed The Gap? That had to have been bewildering to him. You think a guy is robbing a car (again) and you find out he is an entrepreneur with a nice website. Jesus.
Anyway, needless to say I didn't feel like doing anything with Coffee Cake after that. I'm sorry.

So here we are!! A lot of people told me that they were excited about this tournament. Let's see what's up.

I can't see any of the #1s having a problem moving on but the #8s are so darn interesting. Kaboom was a cereal that had marshmallows and had a circus theme. I don't know why they didn't call it something like Big Top. I never quite got the Kaboom thing as a kid. I never really associated cannons with the circus. There are so many other things that come in front of cannon. However, it's mascot was a clown. Creepy looking fucker but a clown no less.
As a kid was there ever a cereal you less wanted to eat than Mueslix? Look this. Shit looks like a bunch of chopped up tree branches in a bowl. You gotta be an adult to eat that.
Fruit Brute is the cereal that always escapes me. It was in the same line with Count Choculate, Frankenberry and Boo-Berry. I always knew there was another one but I could never remember the name. Well here it is. Fruit Brute. He was like a fruit loving werewolf or something. Come to find out there was one more in that line called. Yummy Mummy. Nice name.
Total. Come on... You really like Total? The knock off Corn Flakes?I remember the commercial where you have to eat 7 bowls of something else to get the nutrition in one bowl of Total. Psssht! I'm not eating cereal for the nutrition. I'm trying to get the prize in the box. When was the last time Total have a good prize?

Before I continue on with the matches let me just say I ran across this, while putting this tournament together. And while that is a funny picture it got me to thinking. There are no female cereal mascots are there? What kinda old sexist shit is that? Yeah I mean there is Dora The Explorer cereal but I mean Dora is famous. Dora cereal falls into the same category with Mr. T cereal or Bart Simpson or Reggie Jackson. Well, Reggie Jackson didn't have a cereal. Wish he would have. He did have a candy bar. I used to love those candy bars. So listen up cereal companies cuz I know you're reading this!! I challenge you to make a female mascot for a successful cereal. Come on, it's 2009.

#2s vs #7
Rice Krispies vs Honey Comb -
Snap, Crackle and Pop were my shit back in the day! I remember back in the day Pop wasn't too bright. Then one day they became all cool and Pop had grown into himself. And I loved the cereal cuz it made noise. In any other product that would be a defect. For Rice Krispies it was a selling point. Go figure. I never liked Honey Comb when I was growing up. I tried. But there was always something about it that just didn't work for me. First of all the pieces were too big to me. You got two in your mouth and you had too much in your mouth. They seemed hard thus making them harder to chew. And then they picked up that little furry monster caveman thing that didn't speak good English and they lost me for good. My vote goes to Rice Krispies.

Wheaties vs Kix -
I was never a big sports playing person but I loved the idea of being on a box of Wheaties. My feelings were kinda hurt cuz I knew I was never going to make it on a Wheaties box for programming computers. Bruce Jenner was on that bad boy. I remember there being a special box sold in Detroit with the 1984 Tigers team on it. Mary Lou Retton was on it (she's still cute by the way) but never saw any nerds. That's ok, it didn't stop me from loving the cereal. I'd dream I was a bad ass every morning I ate it. I never ate Kix. According to the commercials kids loved it and mothers were happy that they liked it cuz it was good for them. The one thing that stopped me from getting the cereal that all of the kids were apparently loving was that there were no prizes with Kix. Yummy it may have been but that wasn't enough to make me ask for it. My vote goes to Wheaties.

Fruity Pebbles vs Alpha-Bits - Fruity Pebbles was one of those cereals that I really liked but I rarely had it. Most of the time I picked something over Fruity Pebbles which is weird cuz I loved cartoon and Fred Flintstone is the cereal's spokes person. I do have to admit that I never understood why Bareny was being such a dick trying to steal Fred's cereal and why since they were best friends Fred didn't just share. Now Alpha-Bits was fun to me. I used to like to spell words as I ate them, which means it took me a long time to eat a bowl of Alpha-Bits. I wonder how many times my mom rushed me to finish up a bowl of Alpha-Bits before I made us late? I bet that's why she stopped buying it.

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