Monday, May 24, 2010

Magazines - Round 1

Well, it's finally here. I guess you all are wondering what happened. Well to be honest I got burned out. Those three big 64entrant tournaments back to back like that left me with Blog block. I just couldn't seem to get myself to get the next tournament together. Which was really ridiculous cuz it's not like I'm saying anything important on Coffee Cake. I'm spitting non-sense. But I couldn't come up with one lick of non-sense to spit. I kept looking at the Magazines tournament and thinking it was going to be boring. I couldn't come up with anything worth reading. Who cares about magazines. Then I was walking down the street the other day and I bump into Michael and Angel "this Girl" Collins and Big Ben. Big Ben said the key to the down time was the movies tournament. The first time we did a movies tournament Coffee Cake went down for months. This time we do the movies tournament and I take a month break. They all said, "Yeah. Don't ever do another Movies tournament." It made me laugh. The first time I had laughed about Coffee Cake since the movies tournament ended. I promised Big Ben that I would have it up right away and here it is.

Let's go Jersey!Image by JD'na via Flickr

So let's do it.

Rolling Stone vs URB: I just recently saw a copy of Rolling Stone and it was normal magazine size. Blew my mind. This recession is even hurting our magazines. It's coll though. Rolling Stone hasn't had anything useful to say about music in the last 15 years. Ok I know that's not true but there is so much pop culture, bullshit that I started to disregard Rolling Stone as a magazine worth reading and I can't remember the last time I really got into one. Now URB, I used to read URB every month. It kept me up on what was happening in the world of Underground Hip-Hop, House, Electronica and just sub-culture music and DJs. Just like Rolling Stone I've stopped reading it. It just wasn't as interesting and I don't have a good reason why. My vote goes with URB in the battle of the magazines I don't care about anymore.

Time vs Lowrider: Lowrider. I don't think I've ever read a copy of Time. But I can sure tell you there are fly ass cars, bad ass bikes and hot Latin women in every issue of Lowrider. The only thing I remember about Time is that O.J. Simpson cover.

Better Homes and Gardens vs O: What the fuck is O about? There is a picture of Oprah on every issue ever published. How much Oprah can one person stand? I mean just from the cover of the magazine I think that it's full of stories about Oprah. I know that can't possibly be. I know what's in Better Homes and Gardens. The name says it all. And I also know there are some bad ass recipes in there. And I love to eat. My vote goes with Better Homes and Gardens. But first back to O. I am stuck because I want just once for them to put something on the cover other than Oprah but at the same time, why break that record? What to do? What to do?

National Geographic vs Mad: Now a days I'm all about National Geographic. As a kid I didn't get it. It was the magazine of choice of the doctor's office so it already had a big fuckin' strike against it in my mind. If it was in the doctor's office, it was evil. It did have one thing going for it. Boobies. They weren't sexy boobies in the least bit but they were boobies none the less. I hadn't discovered Playboy yet. Now back then Mad magazine made all types of sense. No it didn't. I didn't get Mad any more than I got National Geographic but it seemed like something I should like cuz it was a comic. Anyway, I'm voting for National Geographic.

Cosmopolitan vs Paste: I used to love Paste. I was a three year subscriber to that magazine. I even DJed a party for someone who works for Paste. But slowly but surely it seemed like Paste only began to talk about that damn light in the ass indie-rock crap that comes out of Athens, Georgia. For Years Paste had introduced me to so much good music and movies and gave me interesting articles on some of my favorite artists and then they left me hanging. No I've never subscribed to Cosmopolitan but there are always sexy ladies in that magazine and they tell me stuff like "What a woman really wants". Cuz lord knows I don't have any of the stuff that a woman really wants. Good thing I'm smart enough to read a woman's magazine cuz they sure don't publish articles like that in Playboy and GQ. I think they are missing their intended audience. However, they get the vote for putting sexy women in the magazine.

Popular Science vs The Advocate: To be honest, I don't even know anything about The Advocate.

*Wait. I gotta go pay my phone bill and get some lunch. I promise I will look up The Advocate when I get back and talk some more about today's matches*

Ok so I'm back home and I've just found out that The Advocate is "The World's Leading Gay News Source". I am sure that The Advocate is a fine magazine and is full of all the news that's fit for print in the gay community but I am voting for Popular Science. Not because I'm not gay but because I had a subscription to Popular Science growing up because I wanted to be a scientist. I swear if I had wanted to grow up and be gay I would have asked for a subscription to The Advocate and my voting today would be different. But it didn't work out that way. At age 3 I saw Star Wars instead of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Bon Appetit vs Garden and Gun: When you're working in your garden aren't you always thinking about guns? I'm voting for Garden and Gun just based off the name alone. I've seen one issue of it and I have to admit it really is a cool magazine even if the title and the content is a bit strange sometimes.
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  1. Too bad there's no "Popular Physicist" magazine. I'm sure there was at one time, but it went wherever Physicists go.