Fast Food Joints - Round 1

Whoa hey hey hey. Welcome to another week of Coffee Cake. This week we will be discussing the finer tastings of Fast Food Joints. Yeah, when you're being bad on that diet, whadda'you do? Mikey D's? KFC? When you are trying to get from one business meeting to the next where do you go? Jack In The Box? Taco Bell? When it's late night and you want something quick, where do you go? In-N-Out? Sonic? We are going to figure out the best of the best this week.

Let's talk about the matches.
#1 vs #8
McDonald's vs Whataburger - A couple of weeks ago I was going somewhere with Aaron and Amanda and Amanda pointed out to me that I have no game with the ladies. She said my line, "Baby, your daddy must have been a cheeseburger cuz I could nom on you all night long," would be ineffective. Aaron completely didn't understand the line. He said, "What is a 'nom'?" I said, "That's the sound you make when you're eating a sandwich." He then told me that he didn't make that sound and it would have made more sense to him if I had said, "Your daddy must have been a cheeseburger cuz I could robble robble on you all night."
I fell out. Amanda didn't get it. It made both Aaron and me feel old. My point in all of this is that McDonalds reminds me of being a kid. I rarely eat there any more but it's comforting to know that it's around. My only experience with Whataburger is from my freshmen year of college. I was really hungry and I went in one with a group of friends. I ordered a chicken sandwich. The place looked like a barn with really long pic-nic tables in it. It was interesting. But my vote goes to McDonald's.

KFC vs Krystal's - I eat at Krystal's a lot. More than I'd like to admit. It's right around the corner from my house. I always order the Krystal Chiks. I recently found out that their chili is meatless so I can also eat that (I don't eat beef or pork). I wish there was a KFC downtown. I'd eat there more. My Twitter picture is a picture of me on a KFC bucket. KFC gets the vote.

Burger King vs Waffle House - I'm not gonna lie. The new Burger King commercials are really creepy to me. But I really like their fish sammich and the original chicken sammich. And they have a really good breakfast. Now Waffle House is just like Krystal's for me. I eat there all the time. It's right around the corner from my house and it's open 24 hours. I tend to find myself hungry in the middle of the night a lot. But I'm giving a vote to Burger King. Just keep that creepy King character away from me.

Taco Bell vs A Hot Dog Cart - While I was in Savannah I saw an old Taco Bell sign. I was mad excited. I love old signs. Like, give me a Big Boy on the side of the road. Or one of the old Holiday Inn signs with the lights. So when I saw that damn Taco Bell sign my insides did a little happy nostalgic flip. I really like their 7 layer burrito. You know Taco Bell is very vegetarian friendly? You can order most of the stuff minus the beef and replace it with beans. It's great. We don't have a lot of carts on the streets here in Macon like they do in big cities. People who live in pedestrian heavy cities know that the fastest food you can get is from a cart and a lot of it is really good. Folks refer to it as street meat. It may be good and quick but I gotta go with Taco Bell.

#2 vs #7
Pizza Hut vs A&W - When I was a kid pizza at my house meant Little Caesar's. We rarely ate pizza from anywhere else. I always wanted Pizza Hut. I thought it was the best pizza in the world. Now it may have been because I had so rarely had it but you know...kid logic. I CRAVED Pizza Hut and never had it. Many year's later I move to Macon and Pizza Hut is my go to for delivery. I am making up for all those years of never having it. Now A&W used to be my SHIT when I was in high school! Me and my friend Joe Martin would go to A&W and eat burgers and drink root beer. The root beer would come in a cold frosty mug. I was delicious. At the time I didn't even like root beer but I drank it and loved it at A&W. Looking back I think the reason we went to that place so much was because this girl named Alia worked there. And I am sure those visits to A&W are the reason why I am addicted to Root Beer and Cream Soda now. Not too long ago Amanda got on to me for singing "She thinks my root beer's sexy." while standing in line in a Chick-fil-A. She told me I was being weird. My vote goes to Pizza Hut.

Subway vs Hungry Howie's - I had Subway yesterday while I sat in the park and drank a bottle of wine and listened to Jason Isbell (formerly of The Drive By Truckers) play a nice little acoustic set. It was just a veggie sub but boy did it hit the spot. Now. Hungry Howie's. If I craved Pizza Hut, let me tell you, I never knew what I was missing until the day I had Hungry Howie's pizza. I ended up eating it cuz I was really hungry one day and couldn't leave the house for some reason. They were the only pizza place that delivered in my area. The pizza was fantastic. They had these buttery flavored crusts. Oh my god. I've had Hungry Howie's maybe 3 times in my life but I can still taste that pizza. My vote goes to Hungry Howie's.

Arby's vs Cheeburger Cheeburger - Since I don't eat beef I can't remember the last time I ate at Arby's. It's been years but I do know it was good. I seem to remember something about Arby's sauce. I've never been to Cheeburger Cheeburger but I love that fuckin' name! How simple is that? Imagine this conversation.
"I wonder what that place sells."
"I bet they sell cheeseburgers. And my guess is the owner has a speech impediment."
See how that works? That's effective marketing. My vote goes to Cheeburger Cheeburger.

Popeye's vs Hot Dog On A Stick - My friend DJ Tagg in Arizona loves Popeye's. He could be a one man promoter for the company. I have to admit, the chicken, biscuits, and red beans and rice are mighty tasty. Hot Dog On A Stick is just so cute. Look at their cute little website. Look at that cute little logo. The idea of making a whole company out of a hot dog on a stick is just cute. But even with all that cuteness, I've got to go with Popeye's.

#3s vs #6
Checkers vs Del Taco - In Michigan Checkers were called Rally's. They have the best fries!! Man I'll mess around and damn near bite a finger off eating their fries. When I lived in Tallahassee I swear the only thing that sold food after 9pm was a Rally's way on the opposite side of campus. Now, I love their double fish sandwich. One night I stopped at Checkers on the way to a DJ gig. I ate my fries but stuck the sandwich in my cord bag so I could eat it after I got set up. Well I forgot about it. A month went by before my next gig. That fish sandwich was still in there. It was the most horrible smell my nose has ever had to experience. It smell like ammonia and hell. I was pissed cuz my bag was funky and I didn't get to eat my sandwich. I've never been to a Del Taco. Never even seen one. But people in Macon love Del Taco. There aren't any here anymore but I swear everyone wishes they'd come back. Since I missed the glory days of Del Taco in Macon, my vote goes to Checkers.

White Castle vs Little Caesar's - This match hurts my soul. Both of these bring back fond childhood memories. My dad used to eat the hell out of some White Castles. Now I live in Macon and there are no White Castles here. Hell we just got Little Caesar's in the last year. As you've already heard me say, Little Caesar's is what pizza tastes like to me. I love it. LC gets my vote.

Jack In The Box vs Captain D's - When I first got to Georgia I think I ate at Captain D's about 3 times a week. It was insane. I loved it! Fried fish!! The food was good but honestly I kept going back because there was this smoking hot girl working there. I've never been to a Jack In The Box but I LOVE the commercials. There is something about that mascot that just cracks me up. It's creepy and yet funny at the same time. Just like a toy Jack in the box. Jack In The Box gets my vote.

Long John Silver's vs Moe's - I've only eaten at Long John Silver's a couple of times. It was good, I just never seem to end up at one. I first had Moe's in Atlanta. My friend Kevin took me to one. I ordered a burrito called The Homewrecker. We come back home and I sit down and start playing video games. I had the worst gas. There just seemed to be no end to it. Kevin is walking around the kitchen like a mad man. He's looking for something. Finally he comes and sits down next to me and starts playing the game too. I fart again. Quiet but potent, if you get my drift. Kevin looks over at me and say, "Did you just fart?" I said yeah. He jumps up and loses his shit. "THAT WAS YOU ALL THIS TIME? Man I thought someone had left some meat out or something. I was trying to figure out where that smell was coming from." My vote goes to Moe's for having well named their dishes.